what's going on?

The Blog is back!

2011-07-05T10:48:00.001-07:00

Bam! Just like that. I am rekindleing my appetite for writing (as well as my need for it). Food for thought:

Where is the internet going? Wired magazine had an insightful article on the death of the internet. It isn't at all what you think, but it's everything you're thinking. Information is now coming to the person, instead of the person having to hunt it down. AND, with so much data everywhere, there is a better need to organize it. Not to mention that social media has augmented the amount of useless information on the web (thanks twitter). Good think flavors.me has come along! So here I go again, adding to the cesspool of online information, hoping to leave a mark. :)

CRAZY DUDE AWESOME COFFFEEEEE

2010-11-05T15:19:00.001-07:00

Today, before 4th period, I left campus and went to a coffee shop to hang out with an old friend. I had a cappuccino and we just chatted for a while. I then went back to school and taught.

I was wired. Like totally wired. I rarely drink coffee, so after a cup, and was like all over the place. Bam, bam, bam. That's what I was like. CRAZY. I didn't even notice or care that some students weren't paying attention. Seriously, it was awesome. I was speeding along causing an EXPLOSION of knowledge in the minds of my young students. Bam ,bam, bam, Just like that. I taught them about fission, fusion, alpha particles, beta particles, ionization energy, atomic radii, and even electronegativity. It was CRAZY. I even made them do two homework assignments and a lab. ALL IN 90 MINUTES!!! KABOOM! (that was the sound of knowledge entering the brain). And then I was like sit down or I will throw markers at you. AND then I threw markers at those that didn't sit down. MY AIM WAS AWESOME. I did forget some of my student's names and they were sad. BUT I WAS AWESOME! It was incredible. I am still not fired.

Lesson learned: Always teach under the influence of something. It is way more awesome than the alternative. Apparently, coffee did it for me. I should try red bull and mountain dew. I mean...uh...gin-ger ale....Dude, teaching while high must be CRAZY. Like...you could probably taste knowledge....on your tongue. Dude.

I must never drink coffee again...ever.

I am here to CHANGE your life...

2010-11-03T15:00:00.000-07:00

Student: Mr. Wilson, why are you a teacher?

Me: I want to change your life...or I used to....

Changing people's lives!!!!! Seriously? When I meet people who have just become teachers and hear that I want to yell. After about a month of idealism, reality sets in you just want to survive. It's funny, because now into my second year, I see how hard change really is.

Have you tried to change yourself? It's hard. Much less trying to change hormonal teenagers that can't see past the end of their noses. But I chug along. I assign homework, I listen to complaints, I push, I prod. I have some kids that hang out around class after school because it sucks at home and they don't want to go home. It's funny, because I insult them and they still stay. If I was a caring mom, I would put them under my wing. Instead, I am a tired man who wants food. "No more annoying Mr. Wilson after 2:30"...and then I feel bad and hang around another 5 minutes and listen to them talk about their lives.

It's funny. Kids say they love my class, that it's their favorite. A kid told me that, and then I said, but you're FAILING my class....oh well...it's not about grades.

I have this one kid...let's call him "Sonic," because he kinda looks like a hedgehog. He might be special education, but he is hilarious. He came up to me today during the "moment of silence," (secular prayer time after the pledge) and said, "Mr. Wilson, I just wanted to ruin your moment of silence." It's my only silent moment all day. He accuses me of flirting with other teachers (which is not true) and of being awesome (which might be true).

I guess teaching isn't that bad. I am waiting for it to be over. I think, actually, I am waiting to like it. I want to miss teaching when I stop. But for now, I am trying to become a better person. I need to care more about people. I love ideas and books and philosophy. But people are messy, illogical, and sometimes stupid. But they are fun in the end too...and lovable...somewhat...

Sample Tests Questions

2010-10-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

A beam of light from Mr. Wilson’s eyes has a wavelength of 506 nanometers. What is the frequency of the light? What color is the light? How much energy does it have?

Kryptonite can kill Superman. Stupidium can kill Mr. Wilson. Naturally occurring Stupidium (St) consists of two isotopes with a mass of 151 and 153. Stupidium -151 has an abundance of 48.03% and Stupidium -153 has an abundance of 51.97%. What is the atomic mass of Stupidium? Go find some and bring it to class.

Of course, one of my honors students asked, "Mr. Wilson, is Stupidium really an element?" I didn't know how to respond.

Why I should not be a teacher anymore...

2010-10-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

-"Are you Mr. Wilson?"

-"Yes."

-"Oh, I heard about you...you have the hot body."

_______________

-"Mr. Wilson, are you going to the club this weekend?"

-"No. I am not going to the club. And neither should you. Never go to the club. And never ride in cars with boys. That's how babies are made."

_______________

-"Mr. Wilson, do you drink?"

-"No."

_______________

-"Hey you, get off his lap. That's how babies are made."

_______________

-"Mr. Wilson, you should take me on a date."

-"I don't think that's a good idea."

_______________

-"Mr. Wilson, pinky swear that you won't take off points..."

-"I can't do that. I am not allowed to touch your pinky. It's inappropriate."

_______________

-"Mr. Wilson, do you have a girlfriend?"

-"Yes, one for each day of the week. But I have the weekends off...so I only have 5."

_______________

-"Mr. Wilson, are you married?"

-"STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!"

Motorcycle Fever

2010-10-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

Just listened to a NPR special on motorcycles and how awesome they are. I remembered that over a year ago I really wanted one, then I got suckered into working everyday and living my life. Now I want one again. I will get one. Seriously. Planning on getting my license Nov 24-25. Then I will drive around on my iron horse....or rickshaw....

Tube of Toothpaste

2010-10-13T19:34:00.001-07:00

I was brushing my teeth yesterday. I frequently brush my teeth, as I am a big fan of oral hygiene. So as I was brushing my teeth, I had this profound insight. I am like a tube of toothpaste.

Sometimes I feel like divine providence ordaines life in such a way that you are forced to move forward. You are in between and rock and a hard place, and the only path out is the one least traveled. You must go forward, so ifs ands or buts about it.

It's like God is forcing you to realize that you can't rely on anything but him. The rug is pulled from beneath your feet. You must exit the tube through the hole, and that requires lots of pushing.

SO..maybe the metaphor is a bit much. But I think most people have been their. You either buckle under the pressure, or get stronger and move through it. And hopefully, you learn what trusting in the Almighty really means. The daily type of trust. The type where you can't leave your house in the morning until you have committed the day into the Father's hand.

But anyways, maybe comparing my life to taking a crap would have been a better analogy, but that might get awkard. Basically, life can be hard. But that is good, it makes you stronger and more reliable. And God is always there. Always.

Skills Needed to be a Vagabond

2010-10-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

After deeply thinking about my place in the universe and the cosmic significance of everything, I realized that I in fact was born to be a vagabond. Besides the fact that I have slept on the floor in a sleeping bag the past few nights, I am inclined to predict that in 10 years I will not own a home or a lawn mover, and probably be sitting under a tree in Indonesia. Just sayin. I now realize no woman would want to bear children my children. Ha. That sounds funny.

1) You must be able to sleep anywhere. Like anywhere. I have slept on the floor of a train in India as well as countless couches throughout the past 5 years. I don't even need a couch. I once fell asleep in my backyard.

2) You must be able to eat anything. Even spoiled milk (well, not TOO spoiled, just one or two days past expiration).

3) You must be able to make friends with anyone. I once met this cop in thailand who then offered me weed. I didn't take the weed, but he did drive me to the next city in my itinerary. And then I met that Romanian gigelo in athens...now that was an interesting story....or those girls from Manchester...

4) You need hate children. Don't ask. If you have any questions, just teach high school. (I don't really mean "hate," that's a strong word....more like...strongly dislike...and possibly wanting to tear off their heads and spit down their necks...)

5) You need to be awesome.

that is all.

Quote of the Day

2010-09-16T16:16:00.001-07:00

"Mr. Wilson, I want to be successful, not sucks-essful."

Priceless.

The Lazy Smart Kid

2010-09-09T17:56:00.001-07:00

A few observations:

Over the past year or so I have come across a peculiar phenomena: the lazy smart kid. I see it in my honors classes even more. There is this type of students, the one that doesn't really study for tests or do homework, but always seems to pull off that A on a test. Usually, this kid takes the regular version of the course instead of the honors version, and most other students see the kid as smart. Here are some fallacies about the lazy smart kid.

He/She is indeed a smart kid. This is misleading. The kid may be kinda smart, but not necessarily brilliant or even truly smart. He has just mastered the system. Truly smart kids are able to do hard things well (not just easy things very well).

He/She will still be successful. Usually, the habits of discipline and hard work bring success more often than sheer intelligence. Often, I have seen the mediocre kid get far simply by being motivated enough to work hard.

Smart people can procrastinate and get away with it. Ha! I get so much BS turned in by the smart kids. Rarely does someone procrastinate and pull it off well (actually, I can say I did it a few times). I told by kids today that I know if they are BS-ing. They got really scared.

En Fin, talent is not enough. You must work hard. This brings me to some introspection. I know I have certain talents or abilities or dreams. Have I become victim of the "lazy-smart-kid" syndrome?

Can my dreams be bigger? Am I striving for everything that I can truly become? Or have I just become satisfied with what I am and what I know I can do? In school you may get away with being lazy and putting forth half the effort. But in life, you will never reach your true potential with a mediocre effort.

Where are you going?

How are you getting there?

Are you dreams big enough?

A Treasure hidden in a Field

2010-09-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

A student told me that I look fly. I then became happy. Today I went to some "snobby" thrift stores and bought some trendy shirts. I am also starting to accessorize. I am putting the "D" in trendy. More to follow. (btw...big fan of levi 501 jeans and plaid....all I need is a leather fossil watch...)

On a more serious note: I preached a sermon a few months back on the parable of the hidden treasure. Today it came to mind and I was musing on it for a while. Here are some thoughts:

(Refresher: Part I-Man finds treasure in field. He reburies it. Sells everything he has and buys the field. Part II -Merchant finds a fine pearl. He sold all and bought it. )

-We are like a field. Much dirt and probably weeds. But deep down somewhere there is a treasure, something of unspoken value. Christ paid the utmost price to "buy" the field and recover that treasure. He saw a value in us that was worth much, a value that few others saw and that may have always stayed buried within us.

-Other people that we encounter are "fields" as well. When I look at my students, I see untended wild fields. I see craziness and issues and problems that most people would not see in a positive light. Yet, underneath all that dirt, if you dig deep enough (and some require more digging than others) there is a treasure of great value. Amidst all the worthless dirt and problems and flaws there is a true value. Something great. Maybe a talent or a perspective, or simply the ability to be a good friend. Everyone has something of value in them. It just requires some work to see that value.

-There is always a price to be paid for something of value. There is work that must be done to uncover the treasure. That fine pearl costs a lot! In order for a relationship to become truly valuable, you must invest time and energy. You have to work your butt off to get a degree. there are countless other examples of investing for true value. I even believe that in finding that "soulmate" there is a considerable investment to be made. Nothing is free. Except for grace.

-Another part of the good book says, "Do not cast your pearls before swine." Lastly, you must guard that which is valuable. You cannot treat it lightly. If you value someone you treat them with utmost respect and guard her or him with all you have. Even the "that's what she said..." line (which I am guilty of proliferating) is a cheap vulgarity. If I truly respect women, and see them as having a potential for greatness, why would I demean them with sexual innuendos that for the most part lack any sort of intelligence. (that being said, if something has the potential for being extremely funny, I might go ahead and say it...you know...it's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission...;)

New Year...New Students...Same Me...Kinda

2010-08-31T15:49:00.000-07:00

The third best thing about being a teacher is getting the summer off. For the first time in my life I was traveling and still getting paid. It's kinda funny...one of the best things about teaching is getting paid for not teaching....(btw....the best thing about teaching cannot be described in mere words....how can I convey the absolute and sheer satisfaction of changing lives with the inadequate words of the English language?) (there was a hint of sarcasm in the previous remark) (I like writing inside of parenthesis...periods are bland)

Anyways. School has begun. The first day of class is always a anxious experience for both the student and the teacher. New faces, new grades, and everyone starts off with a clean state. Almost everyone. I was passing out schedules when a girl is next in line. She is about 7 months pregnant. She tells me her name is Lopez. I ask her for her first name. It's "Chastidy" No joke.

During the first few days I passed out a questionnaire to learn about my students. Two of my students admire Hitler as a genius. One girl loves the color green, almost in a freaky way. One girl thinks I am hot, and is thus interested in chemistry. One of my students is Canadian. I asked her if she feels threatened living in America. She said no. I don't think she understood my sarcasm.

But the kids are new. They are numerous. They are kids. I started off the school year with my birthday. I am not one for holidays or things of that sort. I find them tacky. And with each year, they seem to be getting more and more bland. But here I am... chock full of experience..not.

I am overwhelmed by the great quantity of people in this world. I have over 160 students. How much of an influence can you be? How many meaningful relationships can you develop? Plus, relationships are emotionally draining. I don't want 150 teenagers thinking I am there friend and spilling their issues to me. I would explode. So instead, I have become the strict and mean teacher. It's working. But I am tired of being mean. I feel like a jerk and I get sad. Teaching is hard. Unlike my pillow, which is very soft. I like soft things. I like girls with soft hair....(akward....)

So when I get sad (or bored), I look for a change. I was thinking about working on an oil rig, or some really manly job. But seriously, teaching is not easy. I wanted to change the world. Now I just want to be a good influence. I teach sophomores and they don't laugh at my jokes that much ( I think it's because they aren't smart enough). I am also getting bored with the subject matter. Chemistry is kinda boring sometimes. I told my students that and they gave me this strange look. I should tell them grades don't matter in the long run.....

(To entertain myself, I try to figure out new ways to lie to my students. Last week I labeled a bottle of water as hydrochloric acid and told them its very dangerous. It was mildy amusing. I might tell them that I am pregnant and see how far that goes...)

The Perils of the Montage

2010-07-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

I hate the video montage. Actually, I am a big fan of the musical snapshots of progression. It's nice the see the transformation of a kung phu warrior or a relationship in 2.5 minutes set to an acoustic background. But real life is never a montage. Plus there is NO background music. Example:

working out - it takes months to get a hard-rock body. it takes sweat. half the time you don't feel like getting up. the montage squeezes all that in under 5 minutes. Kung Fu panda because the greatest warrior in the land all in a few minutes (he also did it all while chowing down on Chinese food). No wonder we give up so easily. We aren't used to working hard, but to quickly overcoming life's difficulties while Bon Jovi is telling us to live on a prayer.

learning a new language - this takes years. it is fraught with memorization of the most obscure words and conjugations that you would never attempt if you actually spoke the language. Colin Firth learned portugese in Love Actually in well under 3 minutes. Not fair. it was cute and funny and didn't drag the plot.

dating - Paris Je Taime has this short with Natlie Portman about her dating a blind boy. The short lives up to its name. It's basically a montage of their entire dating relationships. In seconds they can watch movies, cry, laugh, run, copulate, etc etc. All happens so fast.

Life feels long. Life is full of struggle. The struggle makes it worth it. But all these montages really distorts our view of the journeys we take in life. However, next time you are suffering through a moment of dire frustration, depression, or even exuberant joy, just remember that it will last about 3 seconds in the montage of your life.

coolness.

2010-04-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

Have you heard the official song of the 2010 World Cup?

So awesome:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAKnAYycV7k&feature=related

Original song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC8V8S_REhk

Same Artist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIhm94a-8SE&a=9BUr_Ytrg-o&playnext_from=ML

Daily News and Future Script

2010-04-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

Daily News:

-"Pase la mota" does not mean "change groups," rather it means "pass the blunt." Never learn Spanish from students

-Someone asked me today what I want to be after I am a teacher (as if no one would ever want to be "just" a teacher). I replied, "Awesome." My career goals entail achieving awesomeness on some level.

-I noticed some of my Hispanic males always wear blue. I wondered out loud as to why to color monotony...only to realize its because of GANGS...wow..who would of thought....so this whole blood and crypt thing I am now calling the Blueberries and Raspberries. When I see him I ask him about the "blueberries" and if any "Jelly" is being made soon.

-Rumor has it that I am dating an African American woman. I also augmented it by adding that I used to date a Latino girl (affirmative action of course). All the guys think I am a badass.

-My goal in the last few weeks of school it to make as many "friends" as possible. The reason is that I want to get free food when I go to McDonald's or Sonic (where all my students are currently employed).

-I asked a kid today if he was asexual. I thought it was funny. He didn't.
___________________________________________________________
I plan on writing a script about teaching (please read it Annie!). Here is a short summary:

Plot: Main character gets fired from previous job for expensing bachelor party on company tab. Decides to reform and become a teacher. First day of class involves fire, student getting pregnant, and learning. Main character doesn't like kids, but starts to change. Then he hates students. But then he decides to use students for his own benefit. Story will not end with teacher "finding meaning in changing lives," but rather in getting fired again for instigating student rebellion, trying to convert students, as well as hitting students (and hitting on students).

***Note, the main character is not based on me. Each of the characters is based on a student (or two) of mine.

Characters:

Pregnant Latino girl- Smart, loud, and proud. Her baby is more like a backpack she carries around joyfully, always willing to fight (partly because she is hormonal and partly because she is Latino). She loves the kid though

Funny Fat white kid- Possibly high, yet class clown. Always hiding objects (e.g. weed) under his large sagging breasts. Randomly comes to class sober and discusses alcoholic parents.

Cool Latino Ganstas- Very cool yet misimformed. Apparently all their gang colored clothes got washed incorrectly, so all the large white T-shirts are a conspicuous shade of pink. Really want to be car mechanics. (remind me of Bert and Ernie).

Smart-Looking Dumb Asian - Asian kid that doesn't talk much and everyone thinks he is smart, but he is actually mentally challenged (aka retarded). But he guesses right on all the tests...might actually be smart.

White Southern Girl- She is from the Bible belt, and wears a Bible on her belt. Literally. In love with the world, but insecure about herself. Talks lavishly. Also raises sheep. She is a nice soul.

Suicidal Emo kid - Always threatens the teacher with suicide when doesn't get his way. But will never really do it bc is scared. Has a secret fetish for classical music and might be asexual. Speech impediment, so sounds funny.

Flamboyant Gay kid- Really is gay and proud and obnoxious about it. Wants to be king of the world. Always wears tight t-shirts. Farts a lot too. Always talks about directing pornos. God forbid.

Very Attractive Porteguese Girl - Makes all the guys salivate. On probation for slamming a girls head onto concrete (no one knows this). One of the dumbest people in existence.

Community!

2010-03-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

So another one of my part time jobs is being a tutor at a local community college. The reason I am doing this (aside from the nice pay) is free access to the gym and pretending like I am a character on the NBC sitcom "Community" (a creative show displaying the adventures of a hodgepodge group of students at a generic community college). Oh. I also like helping people.

Things I have learned while working at a community college:

1. You really meet some neat people. Some of the kids here are total slack offs and lazy, but others went through a tough time in their life and got their act together, or are new to this country and working hard to rise up. It's very motivating to see people who are working and studying and wanting to achieve their goals despite adversity.

2. Having a college degree is an accomplishment. I have taken that for granted. Did you know that only 25% of Americans have a Bachelor's degree? Pat your self on the back if you do.

3. People that work out a the gym at a community college look like UFC fighters and have missing teeth. Quite intimidating. I started wearing a wife beater and make grunting noises to fit in.

4. I like tutoring more than teaching. One-on-one really allows you to know a person and focus on their weaknesses. I might change jobs. Again.

5. You should watch Community. It's smart and funny. In the words of the token Indian character, "i'm gonna go read some books...then lift weights."

http://www.hulu.com/watch/122556/community-hanging-with-the-cast-downtime

Inspiration from Helen Keller

2010-03-10T17:24:00.000-08:00

Remember those really mean Helen Kellar jokes? (Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Bc she’s a woman!) or even meaner Helen Keller references in our pop music (Do the Helen Keller…and talk with your hips!)?

Well…I was beginning to feel guilty at these references, so I actually went to Barnes and Noble with the fantastic four gang (the guys) and bought her autobiography “The Story of My Life.” This amazing woman learned to read a write and even speak in several languages, went to college, and penned her biography when she was younger than myself!

Just wanted to share a few of her insights on life:

“They (other people) are always asking: “What does this beauty or that music mean to you?...In the most evident sense, they mean everything. I cannot fathom or define their meaning any more than I can fathom or define love or religion or goodness.”

Helen’s world may seem as one of darkness and isolation, but she expresses great awareness and appreciation for the world that she can pick up by sense and smell. She hates cities for the constant vibrations and stressful environment, yet loves rowing and feeling the breeze and smelling nature’s aromas. There are passages in her book where I was awestruck by her intense appreciation of beauty which she picks up through touch. I almost felt like I was missing out on my own life (ironic isn’t it?).

At the end of her book, she reminds the reader that isolation is never far.

“Beyond [life’s shut gate] there is light and music, and sweet companionship; but I may not enter. Fate, silent, pitiless bars the way…Silence sits immense upon my soul. Then comes hope with a smile and whispers, “There is joy in self-forgetfulness.” So I try to make the light in other’s eyes my sun, the music in other’s ears my symphony, the smile on other’s lips my happiness. “

What grace and meekness! When life prohibits you from partaking in simple pleasures, all that is left is living for (and through) others. May we never forget our own blessings. May we be aware of the details of life and the people that make it worth it.

Confessions of a Soccer Coach

2010-03-09T20:14:00.000-08:00

Soccer Season is over. Our last game was canceled due to weather, so it was an anticlimactic finish. I was a little hesitant to start coaching as I couldn't remember the number of players on the field at one time (it was either 10 or 11...slightly embarrassing) and my soccer skills were mostly picked up playing ball on the streets of Eastern Europe (ya right). So just occasionally told them to run up and down the field and mostly stared at them intensely from the sidelines making them think I was concocting some ingenious formation, when in fact I was trying to figure out what dress shoes to get (I finally got Aldo...great shoes!).

But after three months, we have bonded. Yes, I think I am finally coming around. I mean, coaching is one of the few positions of authority where everyone wants to be there! Same kids who hated sitting in my physics class loved chasing a ball at practice. I worked them to! Usually, during conditioning, I tried to run with them and when I got tired practice was over....(they got lucky usually).

But I might actually miss it. Even the games in freezing weather. We were bonding during the end. I was making manly jokes (about how soccer is similar to dating...no pun intending on "scoring") and they listened and cared about each other and the team. For some reason, the goalie thinks I have over 4 girlfriends.

Here is why I love sports:

1. Discipline - Attaining excellence in any endeavor requires hard work and focus. Even if you have innate talent, you need discipline to hone your skill. You only go so far with natural ability. Sports gives you tangible results to training. You work hard and it pays off.

2. Teamwork - In most sports you have to sacrifice your ego for the team. The guy who hogs the ball will eventually make the team suffer, even if he is awesome. Players that sacrifice also get respect. Great life lessons here!

3. Sexy Abs - Seriously. Despite all the character building and respect for authority and discipline, sports gives you sexy abs, which is equally important.

I still don't know if I will be teaching next year. My new favorite saying is this: "Teaching is amazing, but I'll never do it again." We shall see.

When you get sad, stop being sad...and be AWESOME instead!

2010-02-02T20:18:00.001-08:00

I think I have had enough of teaching. Ever. Ok, maybe its not that bad, but it sucks. I will now spend some time venting:

-I think its the general lack of respect. It wears you down. You put up with it at the beginning, but after a while it wears you down (kinda like being forced to watch reruns of Married with Children, funny at the beginning, but after the 50th episode you want to run your head through a cheese shredder). I have become desensitized to vulgar language and disrespect, as well as hip/hop rap wannabe ganstas

-Chaperoning at the Winter Formal didn't really help. It just increased my aversion for loud noises and flashing lights. I used to LOVE loud noises and flashing lights!!!

-Also, I am tired of teaching 17 year old how to multiply and divide. I feel like that is the manifest destiny of high school: learning to read and doing simple math. This will NOT produce a competent work force...

-I think I have just lost motivation. You plan and work hard and invest time and energy only to see that no one cares and few actually learn. Also, I am becoming more sarcastic. Seriously.

Venting is over. I feel a little better. I am sublimating my distaste for teaching with p90X (an AWESOME workout program). Long baths, good books, techno, and the occasional Community episode are good remedies.

---SHOUTOUT TO KATI HOWE--- More power to ya teaching the kids of New Orleans. Your job is way harder than mine!

Trying to get fired.

2009-12-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

Just kidding. I prefer to have a paycheck. However, the only remedy to boredom is the occasional violation of politically correct protocol. Here is how I have recently "given it to the man":

-During a classroom review activity, I split up the students in two groups. Wanting to create a peaceful environment where the thirst for knowledge is quenched, I split up the students by race: black and hispanics vs. whites and asians. The team names even reflected this: Mexigros v. CawkAsians. The Mexigros won by a landslide and physics was learned by all. I might write a book about my new teaching methods.

-I have this gay kid who is unabashed about his sexuality. He is always touching things on my desk, so on Friday I exclaimed, "Lolo, stop touching things on my desk, I don't want to get an STD." He stopped. Earlier, when he came into the classroom he was mimicking a T-Rex. I responded with, "Hey look, its a gay dinosaur: Barney!"

-Don't think that my class is all work and no play! No, no, I try to gain insight into the daily struggles of my students and offer them wholesome advice pertaining to teenage tribulations such as drugs, alcohol, sex, hip hop music, college, and clothing. I even allow any one of my pregnant students to pass with an A if she names her firstborn after me. She must name the child Mr. Wilson, not Daniel...Mr. Wilson Espinoza Garcia...what a name!

-I must say I am becoming quite a celebrity. I recently took my first photo and have been videotaped/photographed by some paparazzi students who may think inappropriate thoughts about me. Of course, I don't encourage this behavior, yet secretly appreciate the ego-boost. It balances the other students who call me cruel and vulgar names that make me cry (if I could actually cry that is). I have also been invited to my first high school party (the theme is momentum and "Dat boy Momentum" will be there). I regretfully had to decline due to a conflict of schedule. I told them my Friday nights were booked for the next 4 years (until they turn 21).

-Don't judge me. I am not that bad of a person. I do not allow students to touch me, male or female (except for the occasional fist bump). And I have not hit a student yet, although I may have fantasised about it.

-I am now also a soccer coach. I don't even own a soccer ball.

Mr. Wilson, Is gettting an abortion wrong?

2009-11-30T16:43:00.000-08:00

Crap. Here I was just passing out papers. That's my job as a teacher. I pass out papers. Sometimes I yell. Occasionally, I teach. So as I get to the back of the class, Fyador* asks, "Mr. Wilson, Olga* is pregnant. Is it wrong if she gets an abortion?" (All names have been changed to common Russian names for identity protection).

I freeze. Interestingly, the first thought that goes through my mind is what is the politically correct answer! Can you believe that? "Politically Correct." What does that even mean? I thought to myself: "I am a teacher, I must be impartial. I cannot choose sides. I must let these kids learn how to make decisions, not tell them what to believe. I wonder when lunch is. I hope Viktor* will be absent today, he is annoying. Oooo...a pretty color." Before my thoughts de-evolved to primitive man thoughts, I came back to myself. Why did I hesitate to answer such a important question, a highly practical question. It was because of my edumacation.

Through college, and even in high school, higher education purports to be objective. Scholars, wise men, the learn-ed...they can stand aloof of any opinion and philosophically speculate. This is what our education system creates. No one is wrong. No one is right. Everyone is highly objective and nauseatingly politically correct. I must preface every truth statement by, "This is what I believe," because as soon as I claim to know what is right or wrong, I have excluded the other and end up being a pretentious religious bigot. But here is the FALLACY: It's impossible to be objective. Even the most objective person I met in college (an extremely intelligent Canadian atheist who outwitted me all the time) based his aversion to God on deep seated emotional experiences, not objective and rational arguments. We are human. We have experiences. Some of the most crucial decisions and opinions we form are not simply based on reason.

So back to second period. I end up just starring at the poor kid and turn around. I don't have an answer. Based on my experience (my mother was advised to abort me because my premature birth would make me have physical disabilities or death), I would not suggest an abortion. My my objective educational conditioning takes control and I become the objective teacher who is highly impractical. Plus, I just starred at her in thought, which freaked her out. I learn later that she is in fact not pregnant and that the whole thing was a joke. Maybe.

Lesson: I want to be pragmatic. Being politically correct is banal and highly impractical. People need answers. Kids are afraid, young, or simply stupid and look for mentors. I must be more engaging on a real level, not just physics. Plus making fun of people's race during class just makes it more fun. Today I had all my Hispanic kids pass out papers and make a joke regarding labor. It was awesome.

why roadtrips are awsome.

2009-11-23T19:05:00.000-08:00

i am a big fan of traveling. i love changing my geographical location. i don't really care if i'm going to istanbul, kuala lumpur, new york or san angelo, tx. (san angelo btw has beautiful stars...and istanbul has great fish...fish and stars...that's where its at).

when i turned twenty, i made a commitment to myself to leave the continental US at least once a year. for the last four years, i have held that commitment and feel like a very whole human being who has been places and seen things and now has much debt and no money. maybe feeling like a partially whole human being and saving money would have been wiser, but the past is the past (the present is happening, and the future is potentially awesome...that's some Romanian-zen wisdom right there!) recently however, i don't make as much money. (actually im allocating 50% of my income to paying debt...boo). so, i have a new found pleasure in roadtripping!!!! so amazingly awesome. Here is a list of why roadtrips are a great idea.:

1. You can do it on a weekend, when work is boring, hard or annoying. I went to Missouri last weekend to crash a wedding. 7 hr drive. lots of grass. nice.

2. The journey is as important as the destination. Flying an airplane is quick, painless, and sterile..(like that one trip to london for a weekend...). Driving is exciting. My friend Tudor and I got in about 2.5 potential accidents, drove in a full circle thanks to a mischievous deity MotMot (or tomtom the GPS), had profoundly profound conversations, had profoundly awkward conversations, and devised a new appreciation-turned-into-distaste for vulgarity in music. this would not have been possible on a plane, train or boat. (although i have partaken in awkward conversations on a boat before...)

3. The destination is as important as the journey. Who wouldn't want to go to Springfield, Missouri? What better way to spend a weekend than crashing a Romanian wedding, having a goat milking contest (i got my milk to squirt over 4 ft...much farther than Tudor), roam Walmart at midnight, put bike helmets on at Walmart at midnight and run headfirst into a 120 lb girl who wiped out, play volleyball for 3 hrs, play board games at a chic and hip cafe while perfecting the art of inappropriate innuendo, followed by delivering a sermon to a Romanian congregation?

Note to self: Do not listen to Boyz in da Hood by Dynamite Hack the day before delivering a sermon (or never actually). It's hard to speak of lofty ideals such as self-sacrifice, humility and the beauty of salvation when in the back of your head you have lyrics about white wannabe gansta boys driving impala's and smacking white girls with weaves.

4. Roadtripping is a great way to get to know old friends better and new friends for the first time. In a car you cannot escape (which may be good or bad). You argue, you laugh, you cry, you brake, you accelerate...its beautiful! I think everyone should be stuck in close quarters with another human being for long periods of time. You never know where the conversation will go...you explore ideas, you think about yourself...and its meaningful. Just don't get retreat into your turtle shell...you must open up like a oyster...yes an oyster...and speak from the heart. Good conversations come from oysters, not turtles!

5. Unpredictability. Make it a part of your plan to not have a plan. Make it the last thing on your list of things to do. Roadtripping is about not planning but about being open to deviate from the schedule. Was stopping at a thrift store in oklahoma a part of our plan? Was eating/talking at taco bell for 2 hrs a part of our plan? Was playing tennis/aim-for-the-other-person-with-the-ball a part of the plan? Was almost passing out because of nitrogen gas in a 25,000 turkey coup a part of the plan? Was going to Lisa's house and awkwardly meeting her dad (and implying marriage arrangements) after eating her mom's dessert a part of our plan? No, no, no and no. Yet, wearing second-hand clothing while eating burritos and playing tennis before accidentally getting married to your future wife with whom you will run a farm is a necessary part of life that is unplanned, yet serenely beautiful....like a tree.

6. It's cheap(er).

(I want to dedicate this post to Lisa, Naomi, and Reuben without whom Missouri would have just been a state with two "s"s. I also want to make a shout out to Tudor who provides spiritual edification and well as gas money. both are highly appreciated.)

*i'm taking applications for a week long trip in december to chicago/detroit. it will involve driving, eating, and romanians.

**pardon the lack of capitalization. it's a new thing i'm experimenting with...its called grammatical lethargy.

the beat goes on...

2009-11-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

i believe i am over the hump of wanting to quite my job because teenagers are annoying, stupid, and self-absorbed by their selfish selves.....i get hit by waves of idealism and i think i am riding a crest currently. I can change the world....or maybe at least get Devante to understand physics or Carlos to not impregnate anyone.

On Saturday mornings, I am usually teaching at the Acheivment Academy. It is a program our high school offers students who feel like they need extra guidance, college planning, or simply two free meals; it is aimed at our "at-risk" kids. This Saturday, I was teaching some freshmen about macromolecules in biology, namely how nutrition is related to biology. During one of the sessions, I was telling the 15 year old kids about the perils of softdrinks and refined sugars, as well as keeping an eye on the baby of one of the kids. I couldn't help but laugh inside as I had to both teach the lesson and keep my eye on the baby who was continuously crawling into the hallway. What I found shocking was that the 15 year old still acted and thought like a fifteen year old...despite having a kid...lesson for the young: LEARN TO READ BEFORE YOU BREED.

I am slowly starting the create an overall theme for my life....What am I here to do? Kierkegaard asked that question. Instead of focusing on questions of existence like Descartes, he focused on questions of action. What should I be doing? I have stumbled upon a few clues....but I am too tired of writing to continue...

Tudor is annoying me. He wants me to make a random shoutout to him in my blog...like anyone reads it anyway....

THe bEst is YeT to cOmE

2009-10-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

(I hate it when people write in mixedcase letters).

So I am adopting a new mantra..."The Best is Yet to Come." I will look forward to making things better and to good things happening...I will be full of awe and wonder at life, and from my expectancy, I will birth greatness. I will change the unchangeable. I will see miracles. I will see the unimaginable and go to unthinkable places. My life will be awesome....

there goes my motivation speech....

Last week, I was "observed." I actually ask for it, because I am having trouble with this one class. I want to know what I was doing wrong. I was told I have no foundation for my class (no rules or agenda). I kinda concured. I don't like rules. I don't like telling people what to do. I don't really like being told what to do. That is a problem, since teachers are SUPPOSED to tell people what to do. It's hard.

I need to practice being mean. I need to stop being a push over. Right now 75% of my students are failing. I figure its because they aren't listening to me. Maybe I should lay down the smack down.

Interesting....

2009-10-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

Here are the stats from the first grading cycle of my students:

Number of Students: 147
Students considered "At risk": 119 (81%)
Students that failed: 12 (8%)
Overall Average: 84%

Numbers look allright. However, there are some discrepancies. Average score on the test is around 50% which means they are getting high grades, yet not really learning anything! Wow, I guess I have an awesome class...but things will change...oh they will so change...I am not curving the test...sucka's! Before you start judging me listen to this: I give a question on the test that asks the student to find the acceleration of a Boeing 777 on a 500meter runway etc etc...Do you know how many of my students divided 777 by 500? Enough to make me consider becoming a European gigalo.

But seriously, 4/5 of my students are at risk. This is a broad classification the school gives that can mean anything from single parent to low income to psycho child...or all three. Currently, I am trying to revise my methods and actually figure out a way to determine if they are actually learning anything before the test. This has taken the form of the classic daily assessment: THE QUIZ.

What can I do better? How can I improve myself? I think I should start taking exotic dancing lessons...just in case.

Grades...students...life...why me?

2009-10-01T16:15:00.001-07:00

My first grading cycle is coming to a close. That means that report cards are coming out. Yesterday was also the end of September, so I celebrated by "New Year's." (My new year resolution for this year was to celebrate "New Year's" every three months, as I thought it would bring more focus to my life...I believe it has...more to come on this later). But in report card grades, a few notes:

-As a teacher, I can do pretty much whatever I want to grades (in terms of raising them). Usually this means raising a student's grade from a 35 to a 55, so that if he starts trying hard, he might pass the semester.

-It also means I can be a real jerk and not curve anything and be really mean.

I do both.

My logic: I want students to try to learn. I also don't want students to take advantage of the system. First time around I was pretty easy and most kids got As and Bs. Unfortunately, they also bombed the first test (average was around a 50). This means that they do not understand physics. So, I decided to let them have a nice fluffy inflated grade first time around. I also decided not to curve the test and give them the 50 as their first grade for the next grading cycle. They can only go up.....right?

We shall see if my experiment works...will they start paying attention and actually care? Or will their apathy only be enlarged by their already failing grades? Do they care about grades at all? Do they care about life? peace? love? purpose? why are they so annoying? ahhhhhhhhh......

I want them to be humans that can function in society and not go crazy. I want them to give respect as well as earn it. (I address them as sir or ma'm even if they retort with "Teach" or "Yo") . I want them to think a little bit and learn not to give up so easily. But it's hard. They are arrogant and shortsighted, devoid of a true understanding of the world and mostly lost in their self-centered picture of reality. oh well, at least I get a pay check...and summer's off...

Ha...I feel like God describing humanity.

Lessons Learned

2009-09-28T21:00:00.001-07:00

My first grading cycle is coming to an end. Lessons learned:

-When you get frustrated, never tell a student, "You are the most annoying person I have ever met" even if it is true. This is immature.

-Start of with some cushion grades, then hit them hard, like a tsunami! I recently gave my first test and I think half the class failed. I will not allow retakes. They now have to work for their grades.

-I realize that many of my students have jobs outside of school (one kid supports his mom). I use this to balance my "purpose" as a teacher. Yes, I want them to know physics, but that may not be the end game. For most of them, its graduating...so I'm not going to arbitrarily fail kids. However, I do not reward laziness and I will lay the smack down if you annoy me.

-Teens think they can manipulate me or play me. Sadly, they really aren't that smart and I can see through most of it. Instead I need to be "manipulating" them. By this I mean, figuring out subtle ways to get them to be motivated and learn without them thinking its happening. Any ideas?

-At the end of the day 2 things remain: I really do care about my students and I want them to learn and do well; I will invest myself into them to this end. Secondly, I will not be emotionally involved when students are apathetic or rude: so be it, they shall fail and I will not cry.

ahhhhhhhhh...........

2009-09-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

So I realized that the rhetorical question is a foreign concept to some of my students. For example: In frustration/despair I yell, "You have to understand this stuff...What else would get me up in the morning?" A student in the back answers: "A woman." I started laughing up in the front of the class and could barely compose myself.

On a more serious note....teaching can bring angst and despair. It seems that after saying the same thing over and over again, some of these kids just look at you like you are an alien, and sit there staring at their assignment. This makes it hard to keep teaching. Other students know the system: If they fail, they will retake the easy course during summer school. Thus they have no motivation to be in the class and just sit there and give you hell.

I gave my first office referral today. I have this one kid that acts as if I don't exist. He talks and walks and breathes as if he were the only person on the face of the planet. I sent him into the hall, when he got aggressive. He then disappeared. He could be in Mexico by now. I hope he is.

Today I told this one student, "Stop touching my balls." I quickly realized how my comment (originally referring to bouncy physics balls) could be taken out of context. I refrained from any facial expression in order to hold face. It was hard.

Misquotes...

2009-09-15T21:48:00.001-07:00

Things not to say to students when you are a teacher:

-"Don't worry, it's not Immigration," as a Hispanic student runs to the window after a cop car passes by.

- "Then you just stick it in." Referring to plugging in variables into an equation. I then started laughing in front of the class and could barely stop.

-"I am going to make you do something nasty." This was my detention threat. Unfortunately, the two students where greatly amused as I was trying to be intimidating.

-"I would not be your friend in real life." I told this one student who was really annoying. I am hoping he caught my sarcasm.

-"I will beat you," as I am waving a yard stick.

-"If I was your dad, I would give you a whooping." The kid then made a reference to how is Dad was dead. I really do hope he was kidding.

-"Delta V means a change in velocity. It's a change...like puberty." I was trying to explain this one equation...

In case you are wondering, I have not been fired yet.

Yo Teach!

2009-09-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

So now I am a teacher...I don't quite know how this happened, but happen it did. What is teaching like? It's kinda like this:

-For the first two weeks I had no idea what I was doing. This Monday will be the start of the fourth week. I still have no idea what I am doing.

-I have given out three detentions. The first two were for throwing a ball around during a lab. The third was for calling me a "Fag" (even if you were kidding). I make my students clean the gum off of their desks...and then chew it. I don't believe I am in violation of the GISD Teacher Code of Conduct.

-When I gave out my first detentions, I put on my serious face, ordered the students into the hall, and after severely reprimanding them, I said, "I am giving you two a detention...I'm going to make you do something nasty." Poor choice of words. We all started laughing, and my seriosity as a teacher went down the drain.

-Be careful when using certain terms or sarcasm during class. A student was bothering me during class so I yelled, "Gary, I can't fulfill all your fantasies." Thirty minutes later, when I asked the aforesaid student to stop talking, turn around, and make eye contact with me, he retorted, "Mr. Wilson, I can't fulfill all your fantasies."

-Don't make children cry. Don't make jokes regarding the mother's. Children can be adopted, and you then look like a jerk.

-If you have a nosebleed during class, make sure it doesn't look like you have a tampon stuck up your nose.

All in all, I feel like I am becoming a better person. I have not killed any student yet. I have researched waterboarding and how it's done (apparently, CIA agents can only take 14 seconds of it). I assume if the gov'ment does it, so can I. Some of my students are crazy. Some are high all the time. Some have more apathy toward my existence than I do towards an exotic fern collection. Such is life.

the patriot within

2009-06-03T09:13:00.001-07:00

I'm back in the US of A and I love it!!! Really, I am not that patriotic of a person, but every time I leave the US on a long trip I begin to miss it and start again to love it. America is badass...it really is. I know it can have the rep of being an "Aggressor" or of producing idiots that only care about themselves...but when you travel you see that in fact America is different, its unique.

This is the only place, I think, where you are encouraged to dream and fulfill your dreams. This is one of the few places in the world where you can be your own "rags to riches" story. Look at me: both my parents come from small towns in rural Romania. I am the first to go to college in my extended family. My dad came to this country with nothing and started a new life, raised a family, ran a business. America is a place where if something doesn't work you fix it. It's a place where you are allowed to have an opinion, where you can complain about problems, and where there is a chance for solving them. It isn't a perfect place, but it's home and it's beautiful.

After being in India and other parts of southeast Asia for a bit, I realized how fatalism (the idea that you are destined to fulfill the role that you were born into) really can affect a countries politics, economy and general ease-of-use if you will. If you don't believe me, just try to buy a railway ticket in India. I dare you! You will have to go to over 5 offices, yell at a few people, push your way through lines of other people, and finally possibly get a ticket. This is India.

But I shouldn't praise America so much...it still has problems.

Funny story: A year ago I told myself that I want to go to Africa and lose all my electronics and escape from my technology soaked life. Funny thing is I lost my laptop a year ago, I quit my job to months ago and had to return my other laptop and iphone. I also managed to lose my camera and mp3 player in India and Malaysia respectively. Currently, I have no money and no device that runs on electricity. I write in a journal. I also steal people's computers so I can write on my blog. Life is great.

wanderlust...and conquering the world

2008-11-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

two conversations have inspired this post. one is with karissa gray and it occurred a few years ago. the other is with laura anzaldi and it occurred a few minutes ago.

In high school karissa taught me a word: wanderlust. it means "a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about." It could be as simple as being a bum on the street or sailing around the world in a boat at the age of 17 and then writing a book about it (read "Dove" its awesome). I feel strongly with that word. I can sleep anywhere. I have literally slept in hostels all over Europe, countless college dorm sofas across America, upper East Side lofts in Manhatten, and someone's floor in Germany. I once slept on the sofa of a guy I had met earlier in the day. I later hitchhiked with him through Romania. I've countless stories of sleeping in places that belong to people I hardly know, am remotely related to, or have just met...and its usually in places like Santorini or Bucharest. The point I am making is that I love changing environements and places (currently I sleep in a hotel 4 nights out of the week). I can do this forever...or until I start making babies.

But traveling is more than sleeping in random beds/floors. It's about meeting people different than you, escaping your comfort zone, and exploring. It's about not being in control of everything and being willing to adapt to new situations. It's invigorating.

Second conversation: talking about taking over the world. I say that a lot. But I don't mean conquering in the way of Alexander or Napolean. I mean having your kingdom where you can rule and influence. This may be a career, a passion, or even an idea or cause. Something you can throw yourself into and for which you can sacrifice. I believe everyone has a niche, a personal legend if you will. Until you find your specific purpose and take over the territory that you were created to conquer, you will never be happy. You become a cook with no taste buds or a mute singer: frustrated and unhappy. (I just made up those examples....kinda weird).

Everyone should read The Alchemist. It's about traveling and fulflling one's personaly legend.

small town....big thoughts

2008-11-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

This last weekend took place in a small town in the center of Texas called San Angelo. It was quaint and peaceful. Personally, I love the big cities (I would have to say NYC and DC are favorites), but every now I wish I was in a small town.

I spent my time with Sean, Sara, and Lara, who are three incredible people. I am a fan of lists, so here are a few highlights:

1- Going off roading in a Jeep Wrangler (thanks to Seth) on a course intended for dirt bikes and four wheelers. Incredible. I will either buy a Jeep or a Harley in the next few years. I will then drive it recklessly on and off the road. I will never let Lara drive my car. She almost managed to hit a tree.

2- Smoking cigars with Sean while discussing the connection/influence of politics and religion and the role that personal ideas play in global decision making. We actually stayed up every night talking about philosophy in general and how ideas play out in practical living. I bought a copy of "The End of Poverty" by Sachs and I think it is going to be an influential book. I am becoming more acute to global issues and to practical solutions that I may one day actualize. How can I work a nine to five and live in a suburban home when 20,000 people die each day of malnutrition, lack of clean water, and lack of access to basic medicine?

3-I found one of Lara's books called "I married Adventure." It resonates strongly with me. I have a thirst for adventure and I can feel at home literally anywhere. I believe that I can literally do anything and go anywhere (as long as I am willing to make sacrifices). Why should I constrict myself to what is considered a "normal" life? I want the extraordinary.

4-On Sunday night I attended a college Bible study at a house with a huge bison head on the wall (it used to be the family pet before it died). This one girl made a comment on coming to Christ daily and having him "wash your feet." It got me thinking. Peter hesitated at having Jesus wash his feet. We are hesitant at coming to Christ with our shortcomings and inadequacies, but we must do it DAILY. We must humble ourselves before Christ and let him clean us. Also, the stars in west Texas are beautiful.

5-There was also a Halloween party, a creepy crawler museum, a spaghetti lunch, and a failed attempt to go to a world renown symphony orchestra, which was replaced by wandering aimlessly at the liquor store where Sean works and cheesy fries at Outback. The cheesy fries may have been enough to make up for the missed concert. I also attended a college class and missed being in courses with really hot stupid chics.

6-The weekend ended with me chatting up the Student Body President of ASU along with his executive assistant/secret service/student senator (the student government might actually be a ploy headed by two shrewd guys). Nevertheless, it was splendid, as I was somewhat initiated as a future writer for the school's funny paper: "Ramdiculous"...not to be confused with the lesser known "Ram Page" publication. Unfortunately, the student body president thought it would be funny to create an extremely awkward situation between me and the homecoming queen in an elevator. That being said, I tend to relish awkward situations, even if blushing is involved.

The Way

2008-10-20T18:24:00.000-07:00

"The mature person takes joy in carrying out the Way; the petty man takes joy in gratifying his desires"
-Xunzi (Chinese philosopher)

So Chinese quotes really do make you sound intelligent. (Although I think I need put in some incorrect grammar to make it sound more Chinese: "Mature person take joy in Way; petty man take joy in self desires"). But it is a good quote. I don't want to get into a discussion of altruism (whether it really exists or whether all good deeds are ultimately done for selfish reason). I do think that true joy is found outside of the self.

The early church did not initially refer to themselves as "Christians" but rather as followers of the Way (Acts 9:2). I like that term. It implies a lifestyle or a movement as well as a set of beliefs. (The Greek can also refer to a road or journey). True happiness is in something bigger and more majestic than in fulfilling selfish greed.

But what does this mean on a practical level? The New York Times had a article on a teacher in Guatemala who travels through Colombia on two donkeys carrying a mobile library. His "Biblioburro" takes books to children in remote villages. Luis Soriano, the donkey librarian, said, "This began as a necessity; then it became an obligation; and after that a custom, now it is an institution.”

I really do want to find something like that this man has. He saw a need, and attempted to meet it. Even though his impact may not be tremendous, it is significant, and it is growing. This was his "Way," his path in life, something he could devout himself to. And at the end of the day, he finds more joy in fulling his Life Path than in anything he could do solely for himself.

Judge Not...

2008-10-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

I love airports. I love to people watch. It really is fun. You have the girl that dresses up really nicely in high heel carrying her gucci bag. You have family on a vacation making sure they are doing everything right and over-worried about getting lost. You have the business men that travel every now and then and try to look important. And then you have my breed: the ones that spend more time in airports than they do in their own apartment (that is a true fact). You can instantly spot the frequent flyers: they are mostly relaxed, carry less luggage than some women's purses, and always try talking to strangers.

And the stories...oh what stories.

Here is one: Whenever I sit down, I always keep an eye out for potential passangers who are lucky enough to be my sitting buddy. My sitting buddy is usually greeted with a unobtrusive hello, followed by a series of generic small talk. If I feel that the subject it either interesting, attractive, or I am really bored, I gently lead the conversation on. (I am actually not that smooth).
So the other day I am sitting on the plane, and I notice this attractive woman. She really did catch my eye. So I instantly think, "Man, I hope she sits by me." Then I say, "Wait, no, if I think that then God will automatically not make it happen just to spite me." So I try not to think about wanting her to sit by me, which doesn't work too well. Consequently, I have never had a really hot girl sit by me on an airplane. I think probability speaking, there are only one (or two) seats adjacent to me, and most travelers are men. Chances are the girl won't plop down by me.
So, as math (and God) intends, the girl walks by onto her seat which is farther back, next to an overweight golf enthusiast and a dry-looking old man. She was probably wishing to sit by me too...
So a few people later this guy walks onto the plane. He sticks out because he looks retarded. No offense to the retarded, but he has a blank look on his face and a slightly open mouth. He is stocky, white, and reminds me of either a white supremacist or a star trek nerd. I know...I am mean. I thought to myself, "Man, I don't want him to sit by me."
He does sit by me. God can change any odds against me (I am still waiting for Him to help me get the girl of my dreams...it's all about being at the right place at the right time and wearing your lucky underwear right?). I make the most of my dire situation and start talking to him. He has apparently been in the army for six years and is about to complete officer training. We talk for more the an hour...the whole flight...about Iraq, women, being a man, pursuing your dreams, business, supply chains, logistical operations, stupid protesters that make fun of soldiers, and did I mention women?

So this is how I learn one of life's greatest lessons: Don't judge...there is no reason to. Most people can be extremely fascinating if you show some interest. This soldier in the army probably knew more about life and being a true man than most phonies out there, and I thought he was retarded....gosh..sometimes I am the retarded one...seriously.

Restless Hearts.

2008-10-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I have to remind myself of my purpose in life. Grant it, it's probably because of my job. At the end of each day, I know that my efforts have eventually made some company work better aka made some guy some where richer. I don't find much satisfaction in making an already rich person richer, so I constantly need to remind myself of why I exist.

I suppose I would have made a good existentialist. It is one of my favorite philosophies, and Kierkegaard is my all time fav when I can actually understand what he is saying. Albeit its appeal, existentialism is quite depressing at the end of the day and really doesn't make one happy to be alive.

The Westminster Catechism states quite beautifully that the chief end of man "is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever." This is beautiful in that it is reciprocal. We glorify God, yet this brings us joy. What does it mean to glorify God? I feel like the word "glory" is outdated and means little outside of a religious context. It's also so overused in Christian communities, that Christians themselves may not know what it means.

Originally, glory means "weight" or "heaviness." It implies the seriousness and majesty that would accompany a royal procession for example. When I glorify God, I take him seriously. Not only do I take his existence seriously, but also his involvement in human affairs, both on a global historical level as well as on an intimate personal level. I acknowledge his preeminence in my life and submit before him. All this can be understood in glory.

Yet in this humility and submission to God comes Joy, true happiness (eudaimonia if you will). A true sense of existing for a reason and finding meaning in life can only be found in God. He rigged the world that way so that nothing else can fill his place. (A God-shaped hole in our lives if you will). Augustine said:

"Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee. "

So in my feelings of restlessness (and boredom) as well as a dissatisfaction with life at times, I remember that maybe I am forgetting who in fact is my satisfaction. So at the end of the day, after I question what the day has been for, I can go to sleep knowing that I find rest in my Creator, who made me for himself.

"Please turn off all personal handheld devices..."

2008-10-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

Another flight and I have to turn off my phone. Meh. They always ask you to turn off your phone as if it will destroy the plane. It might, who knows? One day, I will secretly leave my phone ON just to see what happens.

Actually, spending a good portion of my life in airports, I notice how "professional" people try to look with their blackberries and wireless earpieces and blah blah blahing like they are having the most important conversation in the world. Out of principle (and rebellion against professional attire and image) I refuse to wear my business casual on the plane. I usually dress in jeans and my European jacket and if I feel particularly un-business-like, I wear my German newsboys hat. I need to get a tattoo on my butt...and then wear jeans that have holes in the butt region.

But seriously, people need to stop using electronics in public places. On one hand I understand: You don't know anybody in your vicinity, so to avoid looking awkward standing alone not talking to someone, people embrace their iphone like it will suddenly make them look like they have real friends and are important. First of all, embrace the awkwardness, it makes you human. Secondly, talk to people, they are interesting every now and then. Thirdly, using a phone on a plane will make it blow up.

But alas, traveling all the time can be lonely. I made a new friend the other day: He is the security guy at the Richmond airport. Since starting my job two months ago, I have been "randomly selected" for additional security screening about 9 times. This guy named Harley was like, "I remember you, you have the comfortable shoes," as he proceeded to pat me down. So there, you never know who you will meet in airports. (I sat in between two attractive girls on a flight one time as we talked about Las Vegas for 30 minutes....the blond wasn't smart at all, and the brunette was very short for a 30 year old...better luck next time). (Oh, and this one time I sat by an old man and had an hour long conversation with him about software). (This other time, I sat by an attractive older woman, but I didn't get the nerve to talk to her...she was reading "People" magazine so she was obviously shallow, so whatev...). ( I don't know what the last few sentences in this paragraph have parenthesis around them).

Politics blah blah blah...

2008-10-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

So I am not much into politics...or economics for that matter. I like reading, and I could live on an island enjoying beauty for a long time. I might get bored though.

However, in the past few months I have been developing my own political opinions more and more. I guess I have nothing else to do ;). But I realized that the political system we have isn't too my liking. I am not liberal or conservative. I am a little of each. I don't think anyone can agree with EVERYTHING on a platform. The issues are complex and the opinions varied, why should anyone fit the mold of a political party?

Example: when it comes to fiscal policies, I tend to be liberal. I think society should be responsible for those that are suffering. Those that have should help those that have not. Everyone is human and deserves to have the basic necessities. However, this whole economic bailout thing doesn't seem a good idea.

This is where I invoke Ron Paul. The best way to go through this crisis is to bite the bullet and take a year or two of recession. The other option, would be to pump money into the economy and create a false sense of value. The root of the problem is that Americans are addicted to credit (and gas). You do not solve addiction by throwing more money and gas at the problem (Jon Stewart said its like giving crack to a crack addict). Our addiction to credit may require us to go through a credit starvation while letting the US dollar naturally gain value (not by borrowing more money from China to inflate our value). The mortgage securities are worth nothing now and letting the government giving them value by buying them off won't even ensure that their value will come back.

Thus I think a more conservative approach should be taken this time around.

Conclusion: I believe that people who identify themselves as purely republican or purely democrat either haven't thoroughly thought of the issues, only think of some of the issues, or are willing to compromise on some issues in order to have the backing of a powerful organization that has enough clout to get things done. Maybe I just need to do more research...

A Good Wingman

2008-10-01T17:15:00.000-07:00

"A good wingman's generosity knows no bounds, and he will do whatever is necessary to make sure his point man (you) avoids enemy interference and hits the target."

One of the most crazy wingmen I have is Tudor. (I too am his wingman). I must say that his support in various endeavors is strong and he is reliable. But I don't want to limit his expertise simply to getting women (which is quite limited). He knows far more than that and offers advice in seemingly mundane situations. E.g. I am selling a car on craigslist. I call Tudor and ask for advice/moral support/tell me I am doing the right thing, and ten minutes later I sold the car.

Okay, maybe a better example....we once took a roadtrip simply so I could get a visa for Greece...oh...both Tudor and I were wingmen for Nathan on that trip, who was engaged in a precariously long-distance relationship (5 hours by car, 20 hours by bike, 3 days by foot).

On a more serious note, he is also more experienced in being a legitimate friend. Going through college, I can say that I became slightly liberal in some of my views, which he continued to challenge in a healthy way. He can be annoying sometimes on certain issues, which is exactly what I need. I just wanted to devout a post to a friend who has really been there through thick and thin, slightly thick and very thin, thick like mucus and thin like water....you get it.

Apart from good youtube suggestions, car advice, smack talk, and using animal references as code names for women, a wingman is a necessity in awesomeness and in taking over the world. That is all.

An Apology for Apologetics

2008-09-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

Christian Apologetics is a good thing. I grew up reading the foundational works of CS Lewis as well as those great modern day apologists such as Ravi Zacharias, Josh McDowell, Lee Strobel, and Tim Keller. The word apologetics means defense against attack. It is a relevant topic in that most of the accusations against Christianity (problem of suffering, loving vs judging God, faith and reason, Biblical historicity) all have logical and sound arguments in favor of the truth that Christianity claims to hold.

But over the years, I have observed something very interesting. Many people have strong, rational and significant objections against Christianity and its claims. (Is the Bible true? Is it an exclusive faith? etc...). But I have noticed that many of these arguments are not themselves what keep people from faith, and from faith in Christ. What I mean to say, is that if you can answer a critique's objections persuasively and coherently, that will not mean you have won them over. Most people object to faith in Christ for reasons other than rational arguments, but rather because of negative experiences, emotional trauma, or hypocritical zealots. A relative dying in a car accident is a stronger case against faith than any rational expose on the validity of first century Palestinian claim's to divinity.

What I am getting at is that the essence of faith is not fine tuned rational arguments (which must exist!) but an encounter with Christ head on. Karl Barth (truly a genius of a theologian) said quite aptly: “Jesus does not give recipes that show the way to God as other teachers of religion do. He is himself the way."

You have to understand this statement in the wave of "Neo-Orthodoxy" that Barth started. Since the enlightenment Christianity had been forced to defend itself against Rationalism and the Scientific Revolution (which is not a bad thing). However, Christian theology became more and more centralized around philosophy and less on the centrality of Christ and the revealed word. This meant, that theologians were trying more and more to "standardize" Christian thought. Barth emphasized "awe, trust, and obedience." Human ideology was controlling theology, not a genuine faith and trust in Christ and the redemption story.

Even the Bible, became a dogmatic literal Goliath that was reduced to historical and scientific tidbits, and not God revealing himself in human language and concepts. (Interesting question: Is the Bible the full revelation of God? Can God fully reveal himself in human language?). In regards to salvation, I think that God can perfectly express himself in terms of human language.

But I digress. My apology for apologetics is that even though it offers answers to questions, it is not THE answer. The sole source of answers to life's questions is faith in Christ, which surpasses the mind's ability to comprehend and even the heart's ability to feel. That is why it's called faith!

2008-09-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

So do you ever get this sudden urge to quite your job and move to Tahiti, learn how to play the jumbay, and make love (in french) with a tanned beauty on some forsaken beach in the middle of nowhere? I do.

So on another one of my trans-national flights, I watch this movie called "The Visitor." It is really one of my favorite movies in a while. Simple plot line: widowed professor with no clear purpose and direction in life stumbles upon a young couple where he learns how to play the jumbay and finds a new purpose as well as becomes passioned about helping others. It made me feel alive.

First of all, consulting really isn't an exotic job. Lots of travel, new situations, complex problems that require critical thinking, blah blah blah. But it is easy to get stuck into the "professional demeanor" required of on the job performance. I think the end result of this is that most consultants have a hidden crazy side that comes out only on the weekends and might be a shock. My boss freestyle raps.

I may be developing a crazy side. It involves beaches and jumbays. Currently I want to start working on a book called, "The Book of Everything." I have about 6 lines so far, but it might take me my whole life to finish.

On a more serious note, this movie really accentuated how this professor became alive when he become preoccupied with some one else's life other than his one. Simply put, being selfish is boring. The only way to truly be alive and have a passion for life, love and all that is beautiful is to devout your life to others. Remember that passage: "If anyone makes an attempt to keep his life, it will be taken from him, but if anyone gives up his life, he will keep it." Giving up your life may be the only way to stay alive in world full of shallow goals, selfish greed, and misguided ambition.

So ya...I have decided to find more opportunities in life where I can be of service to others in very specific ways. I don't want to give 30 bucks a month to some organization, but really become personally involved in someone elses life. Or else I will go crazy this this consulting world and end up streaking through a college women's soccer game...

...

2008-09-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

What did the thumb say to the finger?
-I'm in glove you.

Whats the best thing about babies?
-MAKING EM!

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time...
...I think I've forgotten this before.

When Home is your Suitcase....

2008-09-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

So my job requires that I travel a lot. Currently, I fly to Virginia every Sunday from Northern California, and then I fly back on Thursday evening (or some other place if I feel like it). By Thanksgiving I will have acquired enough frequent flyer miles to be getting 1st class upgrades on my flights. I literally spend 12 hours in an airplane every week and now I can manage to sleep through both take off and landing. I can sleep in any place and in any position. That is not supposed to be sexual, although that might be true too...

Last month I was in San Jose, CA (where I now live) for a total of 6 days. That means I only slept six times on my Ikea futon. I still haven't put anything in the fridge, and I don't even know if we have a microwave (fyi I am subletting the living room in a one bedroom apartment in the "ghetto"...its awesome).

I am not complaining or showing off, but simply setting the stage to make a simple point: My home is my suitcase. My suitcase is the only constant thing in my life. It follows me wherever I go. It gives me things I need and want. It even protects things I value. My black Samsonite carryone (which I call Samwise) is there through thick and thin. I have perfected the art of living on Samwise for a full two weeks. In whatever hotel room I find myself, Samwise will always be there, bringing the simple things in life that bring happiness and warmth. He carries my favorite pair of Levi's, my Perfect Pushup thingamajigs, my Trying-to-Learn-French book, and everything else that makes home. Oh, and he carries my clothes.

I don't want to sound like the guy from Castaway who personifies a volleyball in hopes of assuaging his loneliness. (I just made up the name "Samwise" 4 minutes ago). But I do want to express my view of what home has become for me. I can now be an home anywhere. Of course, only the people are missing.

A few weeks ago, they made me check Samwise in. When I got him back later on, he has this huge "scar" on the top. It was tragic. But nothing beats the events of last night. I was on the Atlanta-San Francisco flight and barely made my connection. I didn't have my carry on again; they made me check it in because of no room on the plane. When I got to San Francisco, Samwise was not there. I was alone. No home to go to. I waited for an hour and then sadly took a cab to my subletted-living room. I couldn't brush my teeth, I couldn't put on deodorant. I couldn't even find clean underwear. You think one would have these things lying around the apartment, but I don't plan my life around my apartment: I plan my life around my suitcase. So you see, having delayed luggage is like sleeping on the streets.

But such is the life of an consultant.

What makes a good leader.....

2008-09-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm not much into politics...I think the issues are relevant, but politics in itself, the hodgepodge of everyone claiming they are right and distorting the facts in order to convince the masses, and then having agendas and favors and other crap. It can get quite confusing...I mean even the founding fathers had a different notion of democracy that we have today (it was more like an oligarchy). I mean, they didn't even consider the ordinary citizen competent in electing the president, which is where the electoral college came in...citizen's voted for "representatives" who then voted for the president.

But this is a side issue, what gets me is how the media is portraying these candidates...For example: McCain is a war hero, whose experience leading a group of soldiers and completing missions makes him qualified to lead a country, Palin, who was a small-town mayor, big-time mother, and everything in between, is thus qualified to be a good leader, Obama, who has barely been in Washington, has the lack of disillusionment to be a leader. Frankly, I don't think any of these details are relevant in making a good president. They may help, but they aren't the core issues.

What makes a good leader? What makes a good president? From history, we know that military experience does not guarantee a good presidency. Coming from a small town or not being tainted with Washington politics is also a fallacy (LBJ, the guy whom everyone in Washington owed a favor managed to get amazing things done in his presidency). It seems that the important qualities are being overlooked. Personally, I think education is one of the first things we should look for in a candidate. I don't mean an Ivy League pedigree (so much help that did Bush), but a history of working hard and achievement (Bill Clinton???). Alongside "book skoolin," I think the ideal president should have "street skoolin." Being able to read people, interact intelligently with others, notice talents and abilities in others should be natural (ok...maybe these are typical street skillz). I think the distinction is more between hard and soft skills.

And obviously, the president should be able to think quickly on his/her feet and speak intelligently and comfortably to the world. Here, I invoke the legacy of Reagan (and JFK) and his ability to put the media in their place.

Oh, and the issues...yes those important issues. Well, issues will always be changing and you can find adept and well qualified individuals on both sides of the fence...so yes look at the issues, but remember, most presidents, once elected, do tend to stray away form the issues they campaigned behind, but they don't suddenly become smart or well-spoken.

Unity in Christ

2008-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have to say that my closest friend in college was Paul Lauerman. Interestingly enough, we have almost nothing in common. He is from DC, I am from Texas. His dad is a lawyer and he grew up in a pretty affluent environment. My dad is a machinest and I grew up in a Romanian-American immigrant community. But these are just differences in background. We don't even have too many common interests. He enjoys Johnny Cash, video games, and good food. I love techno, hate video games, and eat almost anything. (Our musical tastes have converged however). He is pretty opinionated, organized, and thoughtful. I tend to not have too many opinions, am more spontaneous, and do things on a whim. Why are we even friends?
We actually had this conversation once. It was at Myrtle beach in South Carolina on those school's-out beach trip everyone at Duke takes in the beginning of May. It dawned on us: even though we have different backgrounds, interests, and personalities, we both have a profound and sincere love for Christ and the Gospel. We can spend hours talking about it...seriously.
This is the beauty of Christ: people that are different and otherwise wouldn't become friends are united by something stronger than common interestes or even shared personality quirks. The forgiveness and humilty brought by the Gospel of Christ puts everyone on the same playing field. (Btw...I think marriages would work so much better if Christ had a role in them...).
Paul and I had actually met at Campus Christ for Christ (or as I liked to call it: Jihad for Jesus). We were roomates for a year...it was interestly seeing all the random crap I had on my side of the room (tiger poster, molecule set, Romanian flag) and the three books and soccer ball that comprised his possessions.
One thing I have learned from Paul is to be more precise in my thoughts and arguments. He has very well formed opinions, whereas I tend to agree with most people I meet. The beauty of college is that you learn to think and critique points of view. You realize that some ideas are obviously stupid (and to the chagrin of subjectivists) blatantly wrong. Paul is also a very passionate fellow. Even in a very cerebral and intellectual environment, its important to retain one's passions regarding issues and idea. In fact, those passions are what drive us. Finally, Paul's focus on Christ over the years (and the many undertakings we have shared in our faith) has really inspired me. I tend to be relaxed (and less disciplined), but it's good to have a friend that can bring you back on track every now and then.
Thanks Paul!

Eclectic English Majors

2008-09-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

This is part three of the "Ode to Friends" series. It feels like I am writing obituaries, but then again...people should be noticed while they are alive, not just after. For this installment, I want to mentioned a dear friend I made in college. Interestingly enough, we never had any classes together but became good friends nevertheless.
Christina lived on top of me freshmen year. She was on the second floor of Pegram while I was on the 2nd floor. The joke has been overused. After four years, she went from engineering major to biology to English, the perfect fit. The thing I have noticed about English majors (this is correlated by another friend, Pappalardo) is that they tend to be slightly quirky, subtly creative, and wonderfully eloquent. This has inspired praise and jealousy in me. Christina is a point in case. After getting a double (or triple...I forgot) honors on her English thesis, she went on to work as a full time carpenter's aprentice in a cabinet shop by day and a full time bartender in a Mexican restuarant by night. Currently, she is unemployed and seeking to be a snowboard instructor in Colorado. I find this not only amusing but also a sign of freedom and uniqueness. All I ask in return for my admiraton is that create a character after me in one of her novels.
Over the past few years, we have had numerous spiritual discussions and proddings. Christina is a devout catholic, I think, altough she might define devout differently. Actually, we differ greatly on our views of God, morality, and other issues, which actually makes conversation interesting. What I admire (and also think is her weakness) is Christina's ability to defy the status quo. She is the type of person that takes a random trip somewhere just because. No one can contain her. This is a form of "freedom" that I think many people lose as they turn into adults. I put freedom in quotes, because I tend to define freedom in two different ways. There is individual freedom in doing what you want and not being confined by what society or authority tells you. There is also moral freedom in doing what is right, when internal and external temptations push you to do what is wrong. This is a side note.
But I do want to thank Christina for constantly proding my beliefs and perceptions yet also inspiring me to be free and break away from what others think the norm is. Why should the majority define the norm? Why can't I?

Famous Friend

2008-09-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

I think everyone should treat their friends they are famous. Not in a sketchy way, but in a I'm-really-glad-your-my-friend-way. So, to follow in the series of friends that I want to positively gossip about, this post is dedicated to John Seale.
I actually know when I met John. It was in the fourth grade. I had just transferred to Walnut Glen Academy for Excellence (a wonderfully pretentiously named magnet school) and it was my first or second day of class. John was actually the second person I met at this school (Alan Hamlett, who was a little weird was my first attempt to make a friend). Most of these kids had known each other since first grade, due to the screening process in kindergarten for this school. I was the new, awkward transfer (although I remember that Brenda Wooldrige and Jessica Simpson had crushes on me...oh ya). Irregardless, John and I became great friends, and have been great friends every since...(let's see...for 12 years!).
Throughout the years we both shared a strong interest in eclectic music (He managed a concert in High School), led Bibles Studies in both middle school and high school (who will forget trying to get people to come at 7am in the morning!). After countless dinners at his house, I got to know his parents pretty well, yet I don't think I have ever met his sister in the course of 12 years...weird...(I hope she exists).
Unlike most of the friends from high school, I actually got to know John better after high school, even though our respective schools were over 1000 miles away. During breaks and vacations, we would hang out and it would seem has if no time had past. No awkwardness, no unnecessary intro talk, just simply hitting it off like we had only been away for a few days.
I admire John for his relentless passion. Aside from going all over South America and Africa on missions trips over the last eight years, he is now passionately working for his church. Actually, this past summer, I had no idea on what continent he was on as he traveled so frequently.
I just remember this funny story from high school. John was always the activist, getting me to be more vocal about my beliefs ( I tend to be more the silent-lets-be-diplomatic-about-our-differences-type). So we get anti abortion shirts. His shirt says "Abortion is wrong." I, being more of a middle of the road guy, get a shirt that says, "Abortion is mean." Funny thing, he gets caught 2 or 3 times by the school faculty and asked to change shirts (I still don't know what the rule was regarding political shirts). I however, never get caught..because how do you argue that abortion isn't mean? It was a feeble stab. John, however, developed an ongoing relationship with the principle.
So, ya, John has always been pushing me to get outside of the box and be an activist. I must say that I have changed a lot since high school and have become more of a risk-taker. It's nice to know that good friends can change you in a positive way. By the way, abortion is still mean.

A Famous Quote

2008-08-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

I like quoting famous people. Many times, even if a stupid thing is said, if it is said by the right person, it becomes quite profound. Today, I am going to rebel against the "profoundness and insight found in meaningless words uttered by persons with some reknown." (The reason I put that phrase in quotes, was because I was quoting myself.) Seriously, why quote famous people, when you can quote real, live, personal people. By that, I mean friends. Being alone here in San Jose (living the oh-so-glamorous consultant lifestyle) I realize how important true friends are. And frankly my dear...I miss them.

I have a handfull of people in my life that I can call at any time in any place and feel at home immediately. These friends have been in my life for a stable amount of time through thick and thin and deserve praise. This post will be dedicated to Lara Johnson. I have known Lara since either Middle School or High School... I don't quite remember. I do remember that the first time we met, someone accussed someone of being a prostitute...I forgot the details. Lara lived a few minutes away from me in Garland, I know her family well (we traveled together a bit in Germany...her dad pulled his pants down at dinner once...). Our platonic friendship has grown over the years due to the fact that we both share a strong interest in Christ as well as being bluntly honest. She is really funny and slightly crazy (puma tattoo anyone?) yet has an undying passion for life and evangelism that is inspiring. (like going to Japan, Germany, and this nursing home in Tezas to talk about Jesus). We were both on the leaderships board for National Honor Society and put on a Man Beauty Pageant (the infamous MAN SHOW). Oh, and her sister once made me a man bag...which I secretly gave to my sister.

Now for the quote: "Pain gives more than it takes." (from her blog somewhere). Now...what does this mean? I will give you my interpretation of this quote...without consulting the context or the orator (this is how all quotes are treated).

Let's see....For the past school year, Lara was in Germany studying German and secretly acting like a missionary. In talking to her throughout this period she went through many ups and downs. Being alone in a foreign country is tough and hard. She also went through a romantic relationship which ended abruptlty. You see, through these experiences Lara felt pain...and she realized that this pain was worth something, it had value. And at the end of the day, it was there for a reason and made life better. (All things work together for good.....). Personally, I haven't experienced much pain in my life and I cannot image how I would react to painful experiences. But I do admire Lara and her ability to learn from her experiences and come out "Faster, Harder, Stronger."

That feels good. I am going to talk about the people in my life more often. Next up, is a dear old friend by the name of John Seale.

The Now, The Cheek, and the Cool Song

2008-08-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Here I am. It's 11:48 pm. I'm lying in bed at the Hilton in Richmond, VA. I don't really want to talk about my job, which is what I do for money and the occasional intellectual thrills. I just came from Alaska, which was beautiful in more than one way. I want to talk about now.

Now is 23. Now is sufficiently full of a turkey-spinach-asparagus sandwich, yet wanting to run three miles or so to expend some energy. Now is just listened to a sermon by my college pastor JD Greer on relationships and why love is awesome. Now is just talked to a friend and my family back home. (My mom just quite her job, my sister wants to transfer after her second day in college...I think they are all going through a we-want-to-leave-Texas Crisis...I don't blame them). Now is a new period in my life, where I have a job, and act like an adult. I guess seminary will have to wait a bit.

I don't usually write in a blog regularly, but since my job allows me near-constant access to the internet, and my head is exploding with slightly not-quite-mediocre thoughts, I have decided to write more. Who knows, I may accidentally say something great?

Actually, no. I am going to attempt to say something great on purpose. Check this out: So I was listening to this sermon about marriage and all that beautiful nonsense. The speaker referred to when Jesus said: If someone hits you on the cheek, then turn the other cheek? Ok, of course, very common passage, and except from the occasional exegesis which interprets cheek to mean ass, very predictable application right?

Maybe. Check it out. In Hebrew society the cheek represented the openness in a relationship. That is why men and women greeted each other by kissing on the cheek. That is why a slap on the cheek was so painful. It meant basically ending a mutual friendship. The cheek is tender and exposed, symbolizing the intimacy and vulnerability that comes in being close with others. When Christ admonished turning the other cheek, he wasn't asking you to give physical abusers another chance. He was asking something far greater.

Christ admonishes us to forgive, even when we have been hurt in an intimate relationship. If someone hurts us, we don't shrink into our shells of bitterness, but rather we give the relationship another shot. We allow another opportunity for intimacy and "turn the other cheek," which by the way, may allow us to be hurt once again.

BUT THIS IS THE BEAUTY OF THE GOSPEL. Christ forgave us and sacrifed for us, knowing that we might not recognize him, and that we would continuing hurting him. He continually offers us forgiveness for our sins. So much more, we should forgive a spouse, a friend, a family member.

My cool song is the theme from Boondock Saints. It makes me want to raise of family of 10 kids, drink guiness and sing really loudly while roaming Ireland.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkwMqJZImfs&feature=related

Prepared to be Surprised

2008-03-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

Last time I wrote in this blog, it was a year and a week ago. I cannot believe that time flew by like it did. I did go to Greece. I came back. I am graduating soon. Then the real world begins...or it might not.

Greece was splendid and beautiful. It was and wasn't what I thought it would be. I still don't know if I should have gone to Greece or to another country, but I have caught this travel bug. (I like the word wanderlust, as it encapsulates the feeling). Last year, I made a personal vow that I would leave the United States at least once every year. I have done so since I turned 20.

What I did like the most about Greece was the memories. What I regret about Greece, was that I did not engage in more spiritual activities like I had planned. I really wanted to get away from the "noise" of America and spend a semester with more time devoted to prayer and reflection. Unfortunately, Greece is not a desert, so I did engage in the whole travel thing and late nights, which was fun for what it was worth. But I still wonder, what would I have thought of Greece had I kept my original goal? (I actually thought that I would read the New Testament in Greek during that semester!)

What else has happened in the last year? Well, I took the MCATs, went to Guatemala, went to Greece (as well as Rome, Romania, Turkey, and Germany), read Crime and Punishment (good stuff), did some more traveling in the US, started and ended a romantic relationship of sorts, and just recently have learned to play the guitar (I can play up to 10 chords currently). But I can't wait to see what the future holds. I am prepared to be surprised.

Deep thought of the beginning of the week: JD Greer, in his sermon last Sunday, said that being attracted to someone because they have a beautiful character will make sex with that person so much better. Physical attraction is strong, but "soul" attraction is even stronger. Interesting huh?

Greece

2007-03-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

I believe that it is time for my monthly post. Once again I am selling popcorn with not much to do.

I want to take this time to mention that last summer I was in Turkey for 4 weeks. They were incredible. The city itself was so alive and the people were so fun. I remember just going out and hanging out and talking of anything or nothing in particular.

It was the "Mediterranean pace and intimacy coupled by an indomitable zest for life." I stole that phrase from a website, but I do believe it to be true. For once in my life, classes didn't matter and I could just sit down and talk and ponder and be a friend (and the interesting thing is that the course actually became interesting). I made a couple of good friends, who even though I may not see again, the time spent was so full of life and conversation. It wasn't the superficial, "Hello, how are you?" talk many people have. Personally, I don't care anymore for small talk.

Our pace is too fast, our intimacy lacking and our zest and run dry. I don't quite know why. I am not saying that moving to the Mediterranean will solve all problems, but what is wrong with slowing down a bit and enjoying life for its own sake? Life is a beautiful gift, but it is only given once. Mark Twain said:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I want to explore and dream and possibly even discover. Maybe i am restless. Maybe when I get old, I won't be so irritable by the ordinary (I might even embrace it), but now I don't want to be locked in a box.

I have decided to go to Greece in the fall. I am not expecting a liberating experience from the shackles of materialism, but rather a pleasant time to study and enjoy the beauty in life.

that is all.

pickup and dropoff lines

2007-02-16T21:13:00.000-08:00

So I am selling popcorn at the Griffith Film Theatre, and feel quite bored. I have used my time wisely in finishing my work, but feel that too much time spent doing profitable endeavors is a bad thing. So I am going to write something so profound, so inspiring, that you may explode.

pick up lines:

Good ones that I think work:

-Presents the person with a single rose and say: "I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are."
-My name is Justin. Justincredible.
-Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
-Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
-You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
-Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
-That's a nice watch [Thank you] Actually, that's a nice dress. [Again, thank you] Come to think -Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.of it, everything is nice on you.
-Way to go God!!!
-Hello, I am God. Will you be my angel?
-Will you be my derivative? I'll be the area under your curves.
-If I judged you on a 1 to 10 scale, I'd give you a '9.9'. It would be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

Others that might now work so well, but I will try anyways:

-You're ugly but you intrigue me.
-Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special.
-Wow, you have some sweet birthin' hips.
-Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
-If I told you I was gay, would you let me touch you?
-Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
-You look so hot that I could cook rice on you!

Mumblings

2006-12-10T20:11:00.001-08:00

"My life rests entirely on work and love, and I thank God for it. Work was not always easy. The love either, must I add” - Carson McCullers

I don't really know who McCullers is, but that may not be so important. This post really isn't on this quote. I just want to say that I do want to find love and work in my life and in passionate quantities. That is all.

Now for what I reall thing I want to talk about. Mysicism. Union with God. It seems that throughout history many a man (and quite some womans) had this idea that union with God can be achieved. God reaches out to us and desires a response, and this response is answered by some or ignored by others. In looking at some Muslim mystics (Ghalazi and Hallif) I was surprised at the simplicity of their lives and theology. God desires to be with me. I want to be with him. Everything else can be sacrificed in this pursuit. I was quite impressed. Now whether they were able to be unified with God or not (or whether God was simply some notion in their heads that made them feel better about the world) is up to you to decide. But remember to take a moment ant be still at the beauty.

Shellfish Brutes

2006-12-09T17:45:00.001-08:00

I was talking with a real friend of mine the other day, and even though our conversation was interrupted by a torrent of blood gushing from my nose, I do want to record some of the thoughts that were birthed inside of me (yes, like the conception of an embryo from the holy union of the foxy egg and the headstrong sperm).

She posed the question: Why are people such shellfish brutes (I mean selfish brutes) ?

I quickly responded with my ever-so-quick wit saying: "People are not selfish brutes, because every now and then everyone finds something worth dying for...something worth everything else in the world...unfortunately....the moment passes and we return to our mundane lives....but for just one moment we find out what it is like to be free."

I felt superb. But she then back lashed asking: "What about the other 99.9% of the time when we are shellfish?"

To that I did not have a response, but was saved from embarrassment by a well timed nose bleed, which did give me the impression that I could be mortal.

But really, why are we so selfish? I look at myself and am disgusted at the attention, time, and sheer love I have for me. The funny thing is that I have the most happiness when I invest myself in others. But I never cease to come back to me. I want to live a life of purpose and full of passion, but I keep getting caught up in me and in my lusts for fleeting moments of pleasure or pride or pineapples (I couldn't think of any other word that started with "p").

So in the end I succumb and recognize that I am selfish and that this disease of self needs a cure. May God have mercy.

New Beginnings

2006-12-08T11:56:00.000-08:00

Being the last day of classes for the fall semester of 2006, I have decided it is a time for new beginnings.

This beginning began after watching Batman Begins last night. I was attracted to this man, this mere man, who became legend. Pardon, but my attraction to Batman is purely one of man to bird, nothing more. What caught my eye, was not the resemblance of the batmobile to myself, or the beauty of Katie Homes (who however gorgeous, is slightly insane for being with Tommy Cruisy), or even the asianess of Liam Neeson, but rather the idea, that this man, this mere man, has become something more than a man. I don't quite know what it is, but it is destined and tragic. It is great yet difficult. But, he is destined to sacrifice himself for saving humanity. He must even sacrifice his desire for the girl. You see, Batman can never get the girl, not because he is too much of beast, but because fate has destined so. He is made for bringing justice to the word. He cannot preoccupy himself with love, for it is forbidden to him. I am not downplaying love, but rather revealing the sacrifice the true hero will make.

I, however, am a mere man. I cannot save the world, and I do want the girl. But maybe, just maybe, deep down inside me there is this vicious animal, this bat if you will. Or maybe a jaguar. And maybe, I am destined to be called to sacrifice all I have in order to become all that I could become. Will I give it all up and go to Asia to learn martial arts? Or will I tame the jaguar within and be a domesticated cat? Will I give up the girl and fight? Or will I get the girl, go home, and make babies?

This dilema has spurred me into thinking big thoughts. I have destined today as a new beginning. Whatever will happen now?

PS (this blog is actually due to the irrerevant suggestion by Annie F. that I start a blog. I hate the idea, but consider my thoughts important for the world. If u don't think so, then tell me. I will fight you)